it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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