i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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