I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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