my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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