The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
