just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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