Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
