Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
