I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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