and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
