Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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