dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
