i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
