I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize