We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
