You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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