So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
