last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
