so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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