Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she pinky promised me she was 18
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I would fuck him just for his dog
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
