Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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