Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
