Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
