census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
In America we eat man semen.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
