his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
