whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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