but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
