you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
