so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
