i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Bring me that man meat
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
