i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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