So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
