I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
