Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
