Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
