Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
