Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
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