She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
