Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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