So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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