The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
