I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
