Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
