hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
