you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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