shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
