That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
