so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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