her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
