You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
