i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
