well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
