dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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