i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize