Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
