singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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