Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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