the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
