I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
