I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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