Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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