I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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