He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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