what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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