perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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