why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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