the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
