I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
