If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
