First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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