Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
