I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
