can u get pink eye on your cock?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
