oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
