I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize