So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
