do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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