What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The adults are the big ones right?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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