i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize