Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
