and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
